I Love You King Rat By Les Butterfield

Ey up their King Rat. Les Butterfield hear. 'Appen I loved your last column about bein' a proud Yorkshireman and all that. Just thought I'd voice me apreciation. I apologize for t'spellin. I'm dislectic, y'see. It's not cos I'm stupid, like. I've 'eard what they say in them pubs down South - 'Yorkshire born, Yorkshire bred, strong in t'arm and thick in t'head'. Aye, but its not true y'know. I just 'ave a problem with t'writin'.

Anyway, down t'crux of t'matter. I'm also a proud Yorkshireman - in fact y'might say 'out and proud'. Y'see, I'm gay. Yes - G.U.Y. - gay. Now it's a bit of a sorry scene 'ere in 'ull on t'old queer joints. There's not much doin', it has to be said. And it's not nice for folks like me who find it hard to join in with the dancin' to YMCA. I keep getting it t'wrong way round. Well, King Rat, I've seen your photo and you seem like my kind of gay. I think we've got a lot in comon - my favourite bevy also 'appens to be Old Pickled Hen. Who'd have thought it, eh? Well, there's nowt as queer as folk.

King Rat, I'd like to give you a propersition. Not a lot o' folks know this, but I'm part of a little group 'ere called the Dyslectic Gay Yorkshireman's Association. We meet once a fortnight in the Tap 'n' Spill on String Bank to have a nice chinwag and celebrate t'love that can't spell it's name. Why not join us King Rat, in our next little barney?

Anyway, gotta go now, I've got an audition for that telly programe, I 'eard they're looking for new people. Whats it called again? Oh yeah - Corporation Street. Ta-ta for now. Email me King Rat, at les@thisisull.com - you know you want to. In hope, Les Butterfield

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