Exclusive Feature Serial on www.thisisUll.com Part Five - Diaries From Detox, day 9,10. Continued from Part One - Alcohol Awareness, Detox day 1.. Part Two - Diaries From Detox, day 2,3.. Part Three - Diaries From Detox, day 4,5,6.. Part Four - Diaries From Detox, day 7,8..

Day 9

'Congratulations! Today is your day. You're going Great Places! You're off and away!' This is an extract from a book I was lent called 'Oh, the places you'll go!' by Dr. Seuss. It's wonderfully simple to read yet extremely poignant and thought-provoking. 'There will be loneliness, there will be slumps and frights, but above all, if you've brains in your head and feet in your shoes anything can happen - if you want it to'. I'm starting to focus, concentrate and read again which is a major step forward.

Spent the day making ethnic jewellery (I was offered crayons but I gave up crayoning approximately 30 years ago). Too tired for the gym and we can't go out because I don't really fancy any E.C.T. on the house (thunder and lightening all day). They should've put big metal tubes on the patients who need this treatment, stuck them in a field and it would've saved the NHS a fortune.

Received my blood results today .. All liver functions etc. normal except my Gamma count, which is an indication as to how much alcohol I've been drinking. The normal range is between 7 and 33. Mine was 99. However, this will remedy itself with the absence of alcohol as the liver is the most forgiving organ of the body unless it is irreversibly damaged. Kevin's Gamma count however was 1492. It's a miracle he's vertical. But we're still going to drag him to the gym. In his own immortal words 'I'll bloody be the fittest person in the cemetery!' Bed change was later. Kev probably sleeps on a waterbed of 9 litre bottles of Bulmers cider. Always wondered why his bed was squelchier than mine. continued below..

Part Five - Diaries From Detox continued

Day 10 - The Day From Hell

My nerves are completely shattered. Have just been through an extremely nerve-wracking experience. Prior to discharge (in a few days) one by one we were taken upstairs to the 'Interview Suite'. The Magistrates court is a far less intimidating experience.

In the room were consultants, doctors, key workers, staff nurses, medical students etc. etc. A chair was placed for me in the middle of the room. Questions were fired at me (in the nicest possible way) regarding my Detox and pending rehabilitation. It was worse than any interview I have ever been through. I am not particularly mentally strong at the moment and found the entire ordeal completely daunting. I realise that these people are there to help me but it was still hellishly intimidating. Need a fag.

What occurred next was a complete and utter fiasco on the part of the various services involved in my care. I will not go into detail because I do not want to compromise the integrity and support which 90% of the people involved have given me. Suffice to say it was a very difficult day and I nearly chucked in the towel. I'm sick of banging my head against a brick wall (not literally - don't like self-mutilation).

Just watched George Best documentary. Interesting quote - 'You never know if you're ever going to take a drink again until you're dead.'

Continued on www.thisisull.com...... Part Six - Diaries From Detox.

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