Exclusive Feature Serial on www.thisisUll.com Part Four - Diaries From Detox, day 7,8. Continued from Part One - Alcohol Awareness, Detox day 1.. Part Two - Diaries From Detox, day 2,3.. Part Three - Diaries From Detox, day 4,5,6..

Day 7- Madness

Brilliant. No longer am I just alcohol dependent but I have also turned into a narcotics addict. The Librium has been reduced fairly substantially and its beginning to hurt. Next thing you know I'll be sniffing glue with 14 year olds. I was actually waiting by the medicine cabinet tonight for my drugs. If Santa had dropped down the chimney I'd have mugged him for Librium. Oh, have I mentioned the witty cook? He recognised me from last year and asked if I had a season ticket for the unit. Ha, bloody ha. Just told him I was waiting for the Christmas party.

Due to shortage of staff (NHS cut-backs - bit of politics) Kev, Glen and I must all go out together accompanied by a member of staff (just in case one of us legs it to Threshers). It feels like we are Siamese triplets. For the first time today we had a proper 'outing' into town. This was to purchase a skipping rope for me as I am now an exercise addict as well as everything else. Just can't stop. Everything I do is always to the extreme. I wish I were more zen. The trip nearly resulted in Glen being run over by a John Smith's wagon because he's so dozy and didn't use the Green Cross Code. Following the John Smith's vehicle was a Stella Artois lorry. An alcoholics dream death!

We were shattered when we returned to the unit. I'm used to walking miles a day but now I realise just how tired my body is. My concentration span is also shot to pieces. A good friend of mine gave me one of the strangest presents I've ever had - a book entitled 'Introduction to viruses', because, she said 'I know you like them!'. I managed the first sentence and then my brain packed up. Fraternising between our rooms is strictly forbidden. Glen came to visit me whilst I was doing my paperwork and was ushered out immediately. Did the staff imagine we were fornicating over my Freemans catalogue? It's 2am and I can't sleep. It will take weeks for a healthy sleep pattern to re-establish itself. I wish I was normal - whatever that may be. continued below..

Part Four - Diaries From Detox continued

Day 8

Having got to sleep at 4, I woke at 9. Sleep deprivation sends me psychotic. By 9.30 I was having an enormous row with the doctor. My argument was that the Librium is being reduced too quickly and I'm suffering from bad withdrawals. I want the medication spread more evenly instead of with 10 hour gaps. The doctors point of view is that the regime has been tried and tested and works. He says I am just exchanging one mood altering substance for another. I can understand his view but it didn't make me feel any better. As usual, tears ensued, stress levels up and cravings intense.

Time to de-stress my body in the gym. Endorphins are free and legal. I was so tired afterwards I nearly went throught the wrong door into the E.C.T (Electro Convulsive Treatment) section. Yes, it is still practised and is apparently effective. I'd still rather keep my brain cells.

At this stage during my last attempt at detox (a year ago) I felt fairly normal. This time I'm walking round like a zombie, Kev's motor co-ordination is completely out to lunch and Glen's just barking anyway. We're all turning into Jack Nicholson while Nurse Ratchett hands out our medication. We'll soon be having piped music on the ward and the offer of frontal lobotomies. We had a rip-roaring laugh in the garden this morning - all of us being in good spirits (maybe the wrong word to use!). Its rather like being in the Big Brother household. One of us elected to go and ask the powers that be for our supplies. Our challenge is to remain sane.

As usual the three of us had to decide on our choice of trip for the day. My idea was the cinema so it was off to the Odeon (and no, it's not a bloody holiday camp as you may think). We purchased the tickets but as we were early one of the cinema staff suggested we have a drink in the bar while we waited. A look of horror spread over our minders face as we peered longingly at the Kronenbourg. So I had a cup of tea instead. Whoopy do. It was good to be out of the no-fun zone and felt like we were re-entering the human race. It's 2am again and I need to sleep. I'm just numb (but not comfortably).

Continued on www.thisisull.com...... Part Five - Diaries From Detox.

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