Exclusive Feature Serial on www.thisisUll.com Part Three - Where Are All Our Mothers: - Adopted in Hull By Diane Previous   Part Two.    Part One.

So time went along as it does, and my life was full to the brim. What did I have to go on? Two dead mothers, a different name and still I felt lost, even though I had made 4 sons, who one day may ask, where did we come from. I would start to become anxious all over again. I always will remember how really nervous I felt and at any moment I would run out, with my hands over my ears, shouting 'I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! I did find out that I had 2 sisters and 1 brother wandering around somewhere in the world unaware they had a sister longing to meet them; unaware that their mother had kept a secret that was so precious to her.

Gosh, this was getting so scary but somehow I kept on going. I ran the phone bill into hundreds of pounds, I bugged people till they were fed up to the teeth of me. I wrote letters to dozens of souls to get no replies and worst of all, some who could've helped me had died already. It got to breaking point. I had nowhere else to turn and I was making myself ill. I was neglecting my own family, getting myself into debt and to be honest wrecking our whole lives. Enough was enough. I gathered all my papers; birth certificates, death certificates, adoption certificates and all the information I had collected over all these stupid years to no avail. I locked them away safely for another time, hopefully never.

I now had another identity that meant nothing and which I could do nothing with. And only I knew. I felt angry this had happened to me. I felt it had taken almost half of my life away from me. It was time to stop. I felt this was now an obsession going very, very wrong. I got on with my life after a near nervous break down. Looking back, I still can't quite believe how crazy I had become. When I got it all into perspective, I realised how important a counsellor could've been. These days I think you do have all the rooting to do on your own. My advice to anyone would be to never look by yourself and to get support along the way.

Quite a few years had passed and some days I got through without my adoption crossing my mind or even being important. Then one day my friend called round for coffee and brought up the subject of adoption in conversation. We got talking about all the if's and maybe's and came up with the most amazing challenge yet.

She said that if I put an ad in the local paper 'The Hull Daily Mail' she would be my support and if I didn't get any response she would write to Cilla Black and we could both appear on 'Surprise, Surprise'! I immediately wanted to vomit but couldn't work out if it was going back to that stressful search towards nothing again. And the thought of going on tv and listening to cilla singing that dreadful song and every one watching us cry ..

Anyway, the next day my ad was in the paper. I sat by the phone in anticipation. My god, at 6.45pm the phone did ring. It was a man who had read my plea, recognised the names, times and streets. This was my sisters' husband. I was shaking like a leaf. I could not believe my ears. He was cautious and nervous - could I be a fraud, a crazy woman off the street with nothing better to do?? He suggested that my sister and I write to each other to see how things went. I wrote to her, explaining how it all began and who I was and where I'd been. I still could not believe that I'd got this close to a real blood relative after all this time. I waited a few weeks and almost gave up again when the day came (and so did the letter) I'd been waiting for all my life..

Continued on www.thisisull.com...... Part Four - Adopted in Hull.

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