Welcome to "Ask Dorothy" on www.thisisUll.com a place where you can ask Dorothy for advice or answers to anything that's bothering you. Email your problem questions to Dorothy at dorothy@thisisull.com More Problems   Home Page    Page 1.    Page 2.    Page 3.

My Husband's Secret Perversion

Dear Ms. Dorothy, Please can you help me...Until recently my husband and I had what I thought was a fulfilling and happy marriage. We are both respectable wealthy professionals and have always had a healthy love life. However, a few weeks ago I found out that my husband has been secretly dressing up in order to get a sexual kick. My suspicions were aroused when I found unusual items hidden in his wardrobe - scarves, jewellery, hats and designer wear.

Then I saw his credit card statement and noticed huge payments to Argos and Soccer Sports. After much questioning he finally admitted that he is a chav-vestite. He can only become aroused when dressed in Burberry, cheap gold, trackie bottoms and Reebok Classic trainers.

After the initial disgust, I did try to understand his feelings, but it was still a shock when he first appeared to me in full bling. But imagine my horror when he also revealed that he has been going out in public like this. Instead of going golfing on a Saturday he has been hanging around outside the Pound Shop drinking White Stryke and gobbing at passers-by. It has taken an even more serious turn as he now insists on calling me Sharon and has had both his forearms and navel tattooed. He is even talking about having 'the op' - having sovereign rings permanently welded to his fingers.

Please advise me Dorothy, I'm sure you have known a few of these chavs in your time. Not being cheeky or anything but I know that old people are often forced to live near them on council estates. You poor thing. Yours, Camilla Sharon Elizabeth-Duke

Dorothy replies My oh my, Mrs. Camilla - or should I call you Shaz these days? This is a difficult one and that's for sure ... all this dressing up, lies and spitting is a real problem and I bet he's taking drugs as well! I am not that familiar with the new car 'chav-ette' though, as it's all so modern now. I remember my old Morris Minor, it was the best little bus I ever had!

I would though, prefer him going to the pound shop than the stuffy old golf club, as my friend Harry told me you have to be aware of the hole in one and that's from behind! Anyway lady, it's time to either let him be who he wants to be and get him to be less rowdy in public or join him and play him at his own game. Have your nipples pierced he he he! I never fancied having it done myself as I've always been a 48DD and getting my boobies out for England would sink the Queen Elizabeth.... Be lucky sweetheart and let the modern times roll. Dotty x

My fiance's bad breath!

Dear Ms. Dorothy, I'm writing from Cleveland, Ohio (a.k.a., The Mistake On The Lake), requesting your sage advice about how to broach the subject of my fiance's bad breath with, whom else? My fiance! How to do this gingerly, inoffensively, and effectively? Please advise. Robert PS: Yes, your reputation for dispensing timeless wisdom now spans the Atlantic.

Dorothy replies Hello Ohio Oooh, bad breath, eh? Nasty is it? It could be anything from foreign foods, bad teeth to ulcers. I've never had it, myself; I got dentures at an early age so my breath always smells of Fisherman's Friends and that is what I suggest you buy and offer to your wife to be. If she refuses or asks you why, tell her you love the taste when you kiss her. Now if Fisherman's Friends are hard to swallow for the both of you then decide what you both like. If this doesn't solve the oral stench then it's time to lay your cards on the table, be honest and get her to the dentist and SORT IT! Love to you all in Ohio Dorothy

Lost Grandad

Hi Dorothy My grandfather is buried in west Hull. I know where but don't know were the grave is as there is no stone. How can I find out? Thanks for your help Suzanne

Dorothy replies Hi Suzanne All I can suggest is that you go to each cemetery (I hate those places) and look into the records of each one for your grandfathers name. I am sure someone on their premises may be able to help you, deary. Good luck on finding him. Love Dorothy

Swapping Boyfriends

Hello Dorothy. Me and my friend have this problem. You see we both have boyfriends. They are really nice but the problem is we don't fancy them any more and fancy each others boyfriend. Would telling them be the best bet? All our thanks Hanz and Sas.

Dorothy replies Dear Hanz and Sas What strange names you both have. Are you very close? Yes, tell them you want to swap - am I really telling you this? I wonder what ages you all are. I only wonder because Betty and Clive down my road are in their 50's and they fancied swapping with Joan and Roger! What a carry on it was - the curtains were most certainly twitching and Mr. Jones from the local butchers told me they were Swingers. I never did find out who ended up with who but everyone greeted each other with a smile, so no harm done there. Honesty in my little book is the best policy. Let me know the outcome of this one if you can. Ta ta Dotty

Hannah's Website Worries

Hi my sweet love, my name is Hannah. I am just writing to say I am your no.1 fan and I don't know what I would do if this website was to close down. I have various pictures of you on my wall and kiss them before I go to bed. Please tell me you will be around forever? Love a worried Hannah xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Little Hannah

Dorothy replies You are sweet to old ladies I can tell from your kind words but surely, you must understand (even though I find it very difficult to believe myself) that a poster of Madonna would be kinder for your eyes, even though a little of that plastic surgery may be inevitable quite soon for her. I'm natural of course and you must agree that I don't look my age. And yes, silly little Hannah chops - of course I will be around forever! Yours, (a little tipsy) Dottie

Hippy Hull

Dear Dorothy, As The Oracle we ask you a very important question, and wait with anticipation for your answer. We are a couple who moved out of Hull 3 years ago to help a friend open a restaurant. Since then we have decided that we want our own business. We are both hippies and believe that we should open a Fair Trade coffee shop that also attempts to bring a sense of community to wherever we set up. We are hoping this will be achieved in many ways, by offering film nights, maybe a toy libarary and the opportunity to learn about ethical living. That sort of thing. We do think Hull is the right place for this venture for many reasons, and we ask you, the sage, to give us your opinion on whether this idea of ours would work as a business in Hull. Thank you Pyschedelic Monkey. Leicester

Dorothy replies Dear Hippies, What sort of films? I ask this because you say film nights, toy library and who on earth wants to practice ethical living on a night when The Bill is on the tele? I love your ideas. I was a hippy once - burned my one and only bra, wore no knickers and kicked off my shoes - I even wanted to go to Vietnam. I was a brave young Dottie in those days - ended up being a trolley dolly for the sick and injured. But yes, have a crack in Hull but for goodness' sake, wash your hands and allow OAP's a reduction on Tuesdays. Love always, Dorothy The Sage

My Mum

Dear Dorothy, I wonder if you could advise me? I love my mum so dearly but she has been putting me down now since I was about 8 years old (I am now 28) I think because I remind her of my grandad who she did not get on with. All I want is her to be nice to me but every time I see her I end up in tears. I suffer from anxiety and depression and am doing so well at getting better but every time I see her she upsets me so much I get down again. Everybody tells me I should just stop talking to her but she's my mum and I love her so much. I just want her to accept me and love me but as she was brought up herself with no affection I don't think she's capable of being like that. I have told her how I feel a few times but it makes no difference, she just makes me feel small. Do you think there is any way to ever get her to stop being like this without losing her out of my life? Thanks, zoe xx

Dorothy replies Dear Zoe I can only say how sorry I feel for you, young woman and that I feel your pain and loneliness. Every girl needs her mum and usually, as in your mum's case, a dad too! You never mentioned having a father so I can only assume you crave your mother's affections because you have only her. My advice to you after 20 years of desperately trying to get her to notice you is to STOP! You are trying too hard and probably feeling inside that a mother's love is natural and you shouldn't have to try at all. We live in different, more liberal times my girl and your life belongs to you. Only you can put the wrongs to right - when you have a person or child in your arms and allow them into your heart you can make sure whoever it is gets the best love in the world from you. You know how precious love is. Only then will you receive the loving arms you've craved almost all of your life. Don't let your mums past or your own ruin your future - that could be the most exciting time to come. I wish you all the luck in the world sweet heart and send you a very special Dottie hug.

WELL DOROTHY!

Dear Dorothy, This is the first time I have read any of your letters! In fact I never knew you existed until this evening! Sorry. I can't help but feel you sound a lot like Mrs Doubtfire, but don't get me wrong! You sound lovely and there should be more people like you helping in these bad times reassuring young as well as old. As for the guy who is feeling like a taxi and a walking bank isn't that life for parents? I have been there also after 20 years it all comes right (ha ha ha ha) Glad you're there, Dorothy Kind regards A Mrs Doubt-fire fan

Dorothy replies Dear Mrs. Doubtfire Fan I rushed out to my local Spar which has recently started to rent videos. Well, not exactly rushed at my age but I watched it. I couldn't hear it very well or understand this young man or woman. I can assure you I am not a man dressed up - that would not only make me an internet phoney but also a cross dressing transvestite (I think). I am 100 percent almost 100 year old Hull woman with the scars to prove it. I would like to shake your hand, though and congratulate you on being another grown up person who has stayed put and attached to another for 20 years. There aren't that many of us left, you know. God Bless, Dorothy

What had happened to Peter Levi?

Dear Dorothy, Can you please tell me what had happened to Peter Levi? I know he used to be on Radio Hull weekdays and we used to listen to him on Radio Leeds on a Sunday. But he seems to have disappeared. Can you help us? Bye for now, Della

Dorothy replies Hi Della I've only got one thing to say - Yes, he has disappeared - IT WASN'T ME .... but I believe there's somebody a lot like him on Look North. Check out www.bbc.co.uk/england/looknorthhull/peter.shtml Sweet dreams Dot

Swimming Baths

Dear Dorothy, I am very scared. I recently went to the swimming baths and when I got changed, I noticed all the other males had bigger genitals than I. I have become quite fearsome about how girls will react to my undersized penis. Please help me dot.

Dorothy replies Hello and welcome to the man with the personal problem. At least you are brave enough son, to write it down and talk to your Auntie Dot. All I can say is what our Elsie told her nextdoor neighbour, Ronnie; It's not the size that matters, it's what you do with it! Use your imagination and believe you are taking the lass all the way to the moon on your vey own rocket. Not brilliant advice but Elsie told me it worked for Ronnie and her. There are fireworks every Saturday night after the Bingo .... and she hardly ever gets a full house. Good luck and keep your pecker up. Dottie

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